天国的树 Tree of Heaven ((:
just caught the last episode of 天国的树 on chn 56...
i just can't seem to get it right...
just caught the last episode of 天国的树 on chn 56...
yup today's the dec 25th, and so MERRY X'MAS to everyone!
family gathering on christmas eve was fun (:
buuutt sch's reopening soon! :( good and bad, good and bad...
certain stuff to settle before enjoying the remnants of my hols
and certain priorities to set before stepping into the new year ahead
haha(:
ok so went to do some cip for the marina bay countdown on yest. haha signed up with it with stella. went down to esplanade for the briefing at 2. only then did we realise we had to fill up a rather big sphere or ball with wishes for the new year from the public. there will be 5000 of such spheres which will be fully released into the singapore river(i think) near marina area by the 31st, as part of a visual art thingy for the countdown. haha so we were supposed to go around asking the public to pen down their messages on this gigantic ball la. haha. so inconvenient man. took a bus down to tanglin area, and before we got to anyone, it rained -.- the rain kept coming on and off, which was super irritating, cos it causes the ink on the ball to smudge a little, and it goes onto our shirt. ok so they gave us a shirt la, no complains. haha. managed to get some people to fill up half the sphere i think, and the rest i filled up myself :P wishes for myself, for others, and also wished in the mentality of others. hehe. and of cos with some contributions from stella too! haha. not that we didn't try la, we did, but getting ppl to pen down their msg is difficult. haha. ended up strolling frrom bus stop to bus stop to get them to write, and most were willing since they have nothing better to do while waiting for the bus :P haha. stayed till bout 5 plus before reporting back. and we were quite hardworking and erm responsible la, cos the return box was filled with the deflated balloons when we got there alr la -.- haha. and yes, spent a tough time trying to deflat the balloon too. haha.
a meaningful wish made by a member of the public! (hope i am not infringing any privacy rights =/)
and lastly me with the BBIIGGG ball!
before that...
HAPPY SWEET SEVENTEEN EMILY ONG! <3
though u won't be reading this :P
haha so had interact bonding session on wed. was actually quite reluctant to go la, cos dun really know anyone in interact. but still went in the end, partly because i was rather free and it would be really bad to bluff that i wasn't, and also since u minus 2 attendance if u fail to go without a valid reason. haha, and of cos also to bond and know more interact people la :P so now that it's over, i would say it was pretty fun la, worth going afterall(:
so went early in the morning at 9 to help out with the preparations of the games cos i was in club serv. anw while we waited for ppl here and there, and had to buy lunch to da-pao to pasir ris park since there are no shops there, only set off for the park at bout 11. lol. and so i was in charge of the so called rope game, where u had to pass the rope(which was ruffia string, lol) and the rubberband, with qinghui. and yes, that's a new fren i got to know of course. haha. anw prepared the water bombs with some others before seperating to do our own duties.
actually the turn out for the bonding session was rather sad la. supposed to have bout 30, in the end only 20 turned up -.- so ended up having 2 grps instead of 3 for the station games. so waited at the station damn long for them to turn up. and even before a group came, it started raining -.- lol, so had to find shelter. thank god the rain stopped soon after and we carried on with the game. haha, our game is actually pretty boring la, haha. not that we planned it anw :P sooo, left to meet up with the rest, and saw waileng and kellie in the toilet! haha, apparently waileng fell even before playing the games, so kellie accompanied her to wash up. haha, no wonder didn't see them with the groups. they are the 2 tt i sort of know pretty well la. haha.
after the games went playground to play. haha so childish :P anw, the playgrounds these days requires guts to play man. some of the items there are like scary! haha serious. it's amazing how kids can just play without being scared at all. hmm... their childhood will be much enriching than ours i'm sure. haha.
went back for bbq after that. that's when the bonding actually takes place la. next time we should jus have the bbq and do away with the games la. haha. so helped to bbq, and pinched food here and there. haha. knew more people again. haha. food was so-so, but not enough :P haha. wind was so strong that u literally needed an umbrella to block of the wind. -.- haha. oh ya, the horrible part was having to cross the grass to get to the bbq pit. cos of the rain earlier on, the whole place was flooded. not exactly flooded, but there was mud. and we practically sink your whole foot into mud - what's worse was that, cos i was wearing slippers, it was damn gooy the mud, which was like quicksand, and the slippers ended stuck in the mud. wah super gross! in the end everybody left to the toilet to wash up and the whole place was so muddy. haha. den left after helping to clear up the pit. overall, it was enjoyable la(: a bit better than expected heh.
sometimes, your attitude really hurts me. yr monotonous replies make me feels as though i've done something wrong. pls, dun do this to me anymore. i jus hope i'm being oversensitive. yea.
attended the volunteers' appreciation cum christmas party organised by carecorner under the LAP scheme on the 15th. it was held at the singapore poly's guild club, sth along that line i think. haha. anw went with stella, and we did not get lost! thx to stella of cos ;P haha. the buffet spread was great, dianxin style. lol. and we played some 'icebreakers' game, and laughed alot. performance by kids too. enjoyed it i guess :) anw met some of the carecorner staff there, and when we exchanged greetings and stuff, they never fail to thank us for helping out. their sincere thanks made me realise that our help actually meant alot to them. i felt it weird because i never thought i was doing anything much. hmm... a little help goes a long way i guess. jus like how every single lap volunteer contributing his/her own part, bringing joy and laughter to the lap kids. anw received a simple thank you gift, a thank you card framed up made by one of the kids! ahh, touched! nth much, but it's enough(: looking forward to lap next year i guess!
oh ya, thx to stella and kellie for the gift! very nice! haha :D
badminton with evelyn last thurs was fun too! haha. :)
haha so here i'm again blogging, which doesn't fall in my list of constructive things to do :P lol ok maybe not. beats rotting at home of cos. haha.
ok firstly, have to wish STELLA, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! hope u enjoyed yrself yest! cya soon!
anw guitar hol practices officially ended last fri! haha, not that i am exactly elated of cos. *ahem* but after the intensive yet not so intensive practices these past weeks, i guess we guitarists (those who have been constantly attending practices of cos) finally deserve a rest (: yea man! haha.
last week was the 7th international guitar festival! haha, went for the last and finale concert last sun, dec 9th, by Oscar Guzman. let me talk bout the price first. haha. the cheapest seats were at $20. and since we were students, we got a discount of $1. and due to further sponsorship by the National Arts Council i think, we got back a refund of $12. which means, we paid only 20-12-1 = $7 dollars for the ticket! hahahaha, cool eh!! and that's not the end! as we were seating seating on the elevated platform at the back, we could those below us very clearly, but had to strin our eyes trying to see his finger movements. so anw, the auditorium wasn't exactly full, and after the interval, we moved from the $20 seats to the more expensive ones in the front! haha, afterall, it's not occupied right? haha. and managed to get a better and clearer view of him playing! so the concert was pretty good overall. musicality and and techniques were awesome, but as what debby said, jus can't really appreciate the art of it. haha.
went to my cousin, alicia's 21st birthday celebrations yest! haha she just came back from brisbane, australia for summer holidays. had the normal bbq at pasir ris chalet with my other relatives. anw talking to her now feels weird cos she developed a slang! lol can't help but mimicking it as i speak to her. opps! =/ haha. anw from what she says, apparently studying overseas isn't all that glamorous afterall. she said all she does all day is study, maybe not exactly all day, but u get the point la. hmm hope life will be better for her next semester!
anw, it's raining and raining and raining in singapore all day. haha no tai yang gong gong to smile at me each morning. LOL jkjk.
omg! can't believe there's only 1 mth left of holidays! 1 mth; 4 weeks; 29 days! argh!! so pathetic :( haha just can't help but emphasising it :P
anw stella, kellie, and jamie are back from their 2 weeks long stay in tianjin china! welcome back gurls! heard from stella that it was fun! haha still rmb seeing her on departure day and we took a photo tgt :) and she haven send me yet i realise! haha must ask her for it.
went for uncle's wedding dinner last sun. haha, was a western style dinner at mandarin oriental so it was pretty cool! the food was also kinda unique ehh. haha so not a bad experience (: so happy wedding to Royston and Cherlyn! though i don't know them very well la. haha. and they dated for 11 years o_O talk abt love that never fades ehh. haha may it stay that way then!
and yes, yuan qing left for china yest alr :( known her thru evelyn, her best pal too! enjoyed playing badminton and k-boxing with her. haha. anw hope to see her soon again (:
anw got offered a place in ntu h3 maths. went to submit the acceptance letter yest. hope i made a right decision though. den went off to library (again). lol cause jus went lib with evelyn and yq last thurs where they forced me to borrow shakespeare's macbeth book. dots ahh... haha. but had to go again to drop off my 2 other books which were due on that day so sun bian lor. anw i kinda felt erm wasted if i went to sch jus to submit the letter den return home. so go lib lo. haha. borrowed four other books i think. haha sch hol promotion so can borrow up to 8 books (: hope i can finish though. haha
ok off to do some ermm.... constructive stuff. hehe :P
haha back to good old singapore (= feels like home once again hehe. anyway hk and shenzhen was not bad, quite fun. went sightseeing and shopping alot. the weather was cold man, and the jacket was my life x) lol, singapore is jus too hot. haha. it was a well-spent holiday afterall (= lazy to blog la, so cut short. maybe will post some photos the next time. see how. hehe.
am trying to look for a job ehh. haha with evelyn and sarah. hoepfully can find no brain ones. lol x)
12/11: outing with evelyn <3
haha finally met up with her after dunno how long ((: o levels finally ended for her, glad that she survived thru this period(: haha so met her in bugis junction. went there from sch after guitar, and sort of got lost? haha, i seriously have no sense of direction man, went to researched on the best way to get there, and decided to take bus to newton mrt and take mrt down to bugis. (i even had to asked for directions to newton mrt from the bus stop!) wth man. anw, after reaching there, also had a tough time finding her. talking about getting lost man. zzz. haha! so went to eat at the new food court, ate omelette rice(: very nice! den went to watch bee movie with evelyn. haha she treated me! oh man x) wanted to pay her but she refused! haha, nvm next time i treat u too! bee movie was not bad, quite inspiring and hilarious, but too fictional le. haha 'not logical'. (yuping's famous line). if only bees could talk! haha. anw one line i rmb from the movie is about how is a bee life in any way inferior/ less impt than a man's. hmm... anw after that walked ard a little, before heading down to the library. borrowed two books. currently reading a chinese book evelyn recommended called wo zai yun shang ai shang ni by zhang shu xian. it's very nice(: not bad not bad, after not touching a chin novel for so long(: haha. so outing with her was fun(: chatted and caught up alot, esp after that incident, thank god everything's okay now! (:
15/11: kbox outing/ b'day celeb for kellie
went out with waileng and stella to cineleisure kbox. haha 2nd time there. rmb 2st time went with evelyn and yuanqing, haha! anw sang my hearts out la. company was great, songs were awesome too! haha. waited for kellie to come, den sang more with here again! sang eng songs, and i sang flying without wings! haha, finally appreciated the song now (yes i noe it's super old, but still, old songs are the best!). the lyrics are really meaningful, encompassing many aspects. guessed i didn't catch the meaning of it in the past, but at least now i do! haha. anw, sang a b'day song to kellie after that, and gave her a handmade card and our little piggy keychain! haha. walked ard after that, and went arcade! haha very long never play le. quite fun! glad tht kel enjoyed the outing! haha :D shld go out soon again!
12 14 16/11: guitar pracs
yup 3 solid days of guitar practices. currently our concept for next year's concert is already almost there, and i must say it's really cool! i really admire yuping for his determination and strive for perfection and originality, and i really pale in comparison with him. way to go pres! :D anw arguing with him is both fun and frustrating. haha x) anw, attendance for practices is not very good, and it brings down my spirit. haiz. but shall be optimistic bout it, after what debby said, and pray for the best next year! n missing guit prac next week :( jiayou guitar 3 ah!
haha quite an eventful week la. evelyn is currently fighting with me over who's busier. tsktsk. of cos me la, since she has jus ended o's and have the all the time to herself and herself! haha :P
oh ya chatting with stephen from children aid society. haiz miss gg down. anw, jus sent him a class pic since he requested one to remember. somehow, i feel a bit touched? the sort of feeling u get when u bring joy into others life that is. now after all that happened, i still wish we cld go down again. haiz. see how it goes.
leaving for hk on mon :D
it's here bcos it's an experience which i never want to (and may not) forget :P
haha sarah low talked about gg to east coast park to cycle and that reminded me of a fateful yet not so fateful incident that happened on s23 class outing to sentosa some time back in oct. our class decided to cycle, and i, being a noob at cycling, was very unwilling but still foolishly agreed anyway. so went to to the bike shop to rent bicycles, and i was sort of sure that i will just end up malu-ing myself cos i will not be able to ride. (ok dun laugh k, haha). so i was like whining to my frens that i can't ride a bike, so as to prepare them for my incapability LOL. but that's not the point. miraculously, i actually could ride it! (actually, the prev time i sort of mastered the technique, but that was like a year ago, n i have never rode it again after that, so i thought i can't ride it anymore). so luckily i can la, otherwise... it wld be a different story le. haha. anw, off we go exploring sentosa. as i was a noob, i rode super slow. stopped here and there, esp the sharp turns. nth much, until we came to this steep downhill slope (didn't look steep to me then that is). so i just went down, n of cos i was clever enough to stop peddling. but i guess i underestimated the force of gravity (shld apply more of my physics knowledge eh?), cos i jus sped down so fast. zooomm! haha. and clever me was not so clever to brake fast enough n slow enough. i think i screamed, n apparently one of my classmate(kz) at the bottom of the slope stopped. and what happened after that was a total blur to me. i rammed into him (head on collsion, lol physics again i noe) and he fell, and i fell. and before i could react, pain shot up up left waist/ hip; my vision became blur, and my ears were blocked. omg, i thought i was gg to faint la, thank god i didn't otherwise sure yi chou wan nian (haha). anw, jamie and zac (and kz who wasn't injured, thank god again) helped me up, and glad that i was only hurt externally, no internal injuries x) so continued to cycle after that although i lost 99% of my confidence. haha, stopped quite a few times (much thx to zac and jamie who pei-ed me, esp jamie, u rock gurl! thx for being there with me thru it all :D) and suffered additional bruised to my leg -.- haha. anw, i crazily went down the slope again (my brain mus have been damaged man) but i survived it! haha, thx again to them for the advice! helped me alot ((:
so that was my horrible encounter with cycling :( kz said i may have died if he wasn't there, cos i would have probably ended up colliding with the lamp post upfront o_O haha. so thx for erm saving me? and of cos sorry again the fall! haha. wahh i think i maluated myself man. so horrible. haha. kena suaned by the guys, haha, but luckily they still not that bad la x)
so moral of the story: never to cycle again! haha, ok maybe not. guess i shld brush up on my cycling skills with sarah and emily, at least won't so malu :P haha.
haha dun laugh at me k? :P
Westlife - Flying Without Wings
Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be
Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you found that special thing
You're flying without wings
Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry
You find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings
So impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
'Cause who's to know
Which one you let go
Would have made you complete
Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place
It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's like flying without wings
'Cause you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings
And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends
I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings
conflict with evelyn resolved (: glad everything turned out fine in the end! many thanks to stella and yuan qing for the encouragement and concern. we really appreciate it (: haha. and of cos, to evelyn for her faith in me (:
this incident have made me realise the importance of cherishing those around me. been reflecting alot, and i guess i wasn't a very good friend. haha =/ anw now i noe and i'll change (: and this is to all my treasured friends out there! (u noe who u are)
nevertheless, have been thinking alot lately. hmm...
thoughts whirling in my mind.
doubts seemed to be resurfacing every now and then .
yet i get reassured time and time again.
am confused.
but still trying.
foolish or not, we'll see...
TO EVELYN:
hey gurl. i noe it's my fault, and i regret every part of it :( i'm sorry for neglecting u the way i did; forgetting to msg u when i promised to, did not reply yr sms (which i thought i did, but doesn't matter now), failed to return yr miss call. worst of it all, i was oblivious to yr anger and displeasure towards me online =/ after that night, i really reflected and began to hate myself for being such a jerk, for taking u for granted, for jeopadising our friendship. although when i asked whether u were angry u said know, but somehow i know i had to let u down :( i guess u thought i didn't care, and u hit me straight in the heart. i actually thought i did, i guess i was wrong afterall. sorry for not being by yr side when u were needed me to :(
i dun now you are feeling now. dun even noe whether or not u wanna talk to me. it's ok that u are not replying my smses, i understand. but all i hope now is for you to give me one more chance and forgive me. n for u to concentrate on yr upcoming o levels depsite all that has happened. i wld hate myself forever if u screw up yr o's because of me. :( even now, i'm hurting badly inside.
seems like u locked me out of yr blog, once again, i understand. but pls, dun lock me out for too long. each passing day is driving a hole into the strong friendship bond we shared. n i dun want it to happen :( i treasure our friendship and i promise never to take u for granted ever again. all i need is yr trust in me once more.
n depsite all the fun tt u may think i had, i still constantly think abt u; am still hurting inside :(
awaiting yr forgiveness,
AMY
Ces't La Vie
nj's year end party! quite a last min decision to go, but it turned out that i made the right decision(: paid $5 for the concert which was really awesome! and of cos, received the $120 newurbanmale voucher, although i dunno what am i gg to do with it =/ haha. left halfway thru to grab a bite and helped out at guit stall. guit choc fountain rocks! and our secret chocolate recipe too! haha. turned out to be the only j1 there, but blended in quite well and chatted and crapped a lot with them! love u guys! thx for all the effort put in, u noe u rock! btw, wld like to apologise to ernest, although he doesnt read it but still, sorry! realised i that u were having a dry throat yet i still asked u to buy the choco stick :( sorry for being so insensitive :( so walked around with stella, yi hui (: and oh ya, guitarists are a helpful bunch of people man! hehe(: so reach home at bout 1115, very late but worth it(:
LAP
lap resumed yest. had loads of fun, cos it was all games! and got free food somemore. cos it was international chefs' day, and the chefs were blessing the lap kids with food, and we got blessed to of cos :P nice intalian cuisine!! haha, be jealous :P didnt regret joining lap after all!
Guitar Recital by Miguel Trapaga
Free concert at VCH. recommended to go for it by guit teacher, so jus went. haha. erm overall performance was not bad, considering that it was free :P lots of classical solo pieces that are pretty inspiring. but also a bit boring =/ haha. din regret gg afterall too!
oh man!! tml gg to get back results! bless me!
ok i'm back!
haha, due to many people commenting my blog being locked and stuff
i have resolved the fault (: haha
dun be mistaken k. didn't mean to lock u all out =P haha
ok so it's been how long since i last posted?
haha dun noe and dun care.
promos are like over(:
class outing ((:
wr finalised and due coming tues (((:
and... more to come! (i hope)
haha
and ya, group's pw is finally on track!
oh and guitar breakfast outing tmr too!
haha(:
short & sweet eh?
just an emo post not worth your time.
i feel kinda lost right now. a bit emotional, a bit down, a bit stressed, a bit of i don't know what else
i've been moodswinging pretty much over this weekend my mind is like a total blank; devoid of happy thoughts, nothing to look forward to, just empty
it's like suddenly, i'll have this sudden urge to cry, and i have no idea why either
i feel as though i need to escape from this world, badly
it's as though there's nothing in this world worth living for
it's not to the extent that i will commit suicide or what, but still...
i don't wish to carry on this game of life anymore :(
oh man, can't believe i'm typing out such an emo post right now
anyway, if there's anything responsible for my dejection, it would be largely due to pw
yea, project work.
i am stoning in front of the com again not knowing where should i start
not the first time it has happened, but with each time, it gets even worsti
t makes me feel sucky inside, like i feel right now
i am sort of sick of doing pw already
if this carries on, i think i will breakdown.yea breakdown.
not that my group is not hardworking or what
just that we [i think] have no idea how to progress on from here
at least, i, for one, am lost.just feel like giving up on the project altogether
pw has drained any remnants of joy inside me and that little bit of strength and motivation that's left of me
and now, there's nothing else for me to hold on to; to spur me on
and so i asked myself
am i really that weak? [afterall, it's only pw, for godsake]
i thought i was strong, strong enough maintain optimism in face of setbacks
but i guess, i am wrong.
argh forget it ,amy.
move on.
up till now, i have no idea why am i typing all this crap.
i guess it's because i really need pour it all out
and perhaps after that, i will be ok.
yea, hopefully.
sometimes, i wonder how a penknife across the wrist would feel like
what is it like to glide it across the skin
what is it like for the blood to trickle down the open wound
and i remembered, once when i tried to use a little art knife to slice my skin
just lightly, a few times, for a puny bit of blood to ooze out
and i thought to myself,
why in the fucking world am i doing that
am i going crazy or what?
and now, as i think of it
i have the sudden urge to relieve it again
and perhaps, it will help.
fuck it. i hate myself.
promos are coming right up next week!!! o h m y g o d!!! haha, can't believe time is passing so fast. it feels as though i have been transported from week after week without feeling as though i have done anything. nevermind that. gp is first up next wed, and it is one of my most feared subjects no doubt :( more so since i don't bother updating myself with the current affairs. and i just spent eons trying to come up with an essay plan which AK wants us to do. and she wants us to do up three. and i'm sadly only halfway through my 2nd. not sure if i want, or even have the mood and energy left to do the 3rd. why energy? because for each essay i have to read up a content booklet (kindly prepared by AK as well) and apply the content into my essay. and that take ages man. i really hope i do apply what i've done into the real exam. really praying hard that i will pass gp!
gp aside, another thing that has been constantly bugging me is pw. got back our 1st draft on friday. yea, it's like super late compared to other groups. and as though that wasn't bad enough, it seems as though our whole project has lost its focus. we totally or maybe partially forgot that we were supposed to feature the impact, NOT the technological change. and the bulk of our showcase is more on the technological change part, which sucks. apart from that, we were also unable to justify the impact well. which is a mojor task requirements. so throughout the whole report [which is uncompleted] there were lots of comments made, and they only got even worse towards the end. in fact, the last statement sums it all
"given the current state of your written report, you are going to miss the grade, badly"
greatest shock of all. and the word 'badly' didn't help either. very very demoralising la. yet, our ST said she wasn't worried for us [our report was sent to an external marker]
anw kept on thinking about pw, and when i finally decided to spend some time doing it, i end up stoning in front of the computer not knowing what to do. someone, help me! have this super bad feeling about pw right now. just hope things will turn out alright afterall.
The theme this year is GIVING BACK. today marks out the finale of our yfc event, mass candle lighting session. haha, actually it was a greatly modifed version. around 10 of the cast of the play Touched by Me, consisting of ex-offenders, lighted up together with us during the hourly performance. but it didn't matter la, at least it was done in front of an audience, and we managed to implement the event, though miniscule. and they thanked us((((:. greatest joy no doubt. and we also sold $1000 worth of candles. not bad, not bad.
joining yfc and choosing yellow ribbon as beneficiary of choice has indeed changed my perception of ex-offenders. in the past, i didn't really thought much of them, in the sense that i could not really comprehend the darkness they felt inside when the public outside discriminated them in one way or another. i mean, it does not concern me, and i have no dealings with offenders and ex-offenders of any sort, so why should i care? in fact, i somehow realise i would feel a little insecure and uneasy if i were to work together with an ex-offender. [yea, slap me for being narrow-minded, self-centred and just totally ignorant].
oh man, wouldn't this be what everyone would initially think of? i was in fact doubtful when fan jian proposed helping yellow ribbon, as i stereotyped the public to think the same way as me. hence, it was only after much persuasion [i think] before i finally grasped what ex-offenders really need - forgiveness and acceptance from us all. that's was the starting point for the change of my perception.
and now, after having worked with yellow ribbon and even helped them to raise funds, i totally see ex-offenders in a new light. we are all humans, offenders, ex-offenders and non-offenders alike. no one in this world is infailable; everyone is bound to make mistakes. but the distinguishing factor is whether we are willing to learn from our mistakes and repent. yet, the sole effort on the part of the ex-offenders is just not enough, for they require us to accept them back into society. just like how we forgive our friends or loved ones when they do wrong, we should extend this heart of forgiveness to those out there as well. they don't ask for much, just our willingness to forgive them. by doing this, we are helping to 'unlock the second prison', as evident from the tagline of the Yellow Ribbon Project. if you think more about it, it is just like how you would yearn for forgiveness from others when you commit mistakes. so if you expect that from others, shoudn't you do the same as well? i mean, don't unto to others what you don't want others to unto to you isn't it?
anw, that was what i thought about for the past month. but today, i gained another new insight (: that ex-offenders CAN do their part and contribute back into society. intially at the fair, when i first heard that the profits made from the sale of the yellow ribbon cookies and other gifts made by inmates were going to the Handicapp People's Association, i was puzzled. shouldn't the profits go to yellow ribbon instead, i thought to myself, afterall it is the yellow ribbon fair isnt it? i struggled with the question for the whole of the morning, until i went for the performance, a play Touched by You by inmates, did i finally understand. and i realised yet again what a myopic view i have. the cookies were made by inmates and sold to public to raise funds for the HPA => the inmates were trying to prove their worth and talents through funds raised for HPA => the inmates are able contribute back into society in their own way. oh man, i realised what an idiot and short-sighted person i have been :( i couldn't even catch such a simple link. argh!!! quite disappointed in myself :( but anw, to sum it all up, offenders and ex-offenders alike are willing to contribute back to society and help those less fortunate people, making them no less able than us. so would it be fair to to label them as the black sheep of society and the likes? i seriously would say no.
this journey has indeed been very inspirational and rewarding. learnt alot about ex-offenders and yellow ribbon, and much more about myself. i certainly didn't regret taking part in this, despite much time and effort put into it. however, there are still certain regrets pertaining to the whole project:
1) not involving the inmates in the designing and production of products for sales (as observed from the fair, products made by inmates can better bring out the cause)
2) did not carry out our mass candle lighting session together with the ribbon-in-a-heart structure ( but as i said, it's okay neverthess)
3) failing to compile a scrapbook for the inmates (hope to carry out after promos)
these are the main regrets i guess. but with regrets, come improvements. haha.
just realised i typed a really loooooooog post. oops! haha
would just like to end off with an extract from the book Giving Back
"If diamonds are not the coal will be, still a precious source of fuel is he"
and my appeal to all:
if you can help, so can they.
give yourself a chance to give them a chance.
wishing all teachers a delightful teachers' day!
not all teachers deserve the praise, but still... at least they tried and are still trying. i mean, they would want us to do well, wouldn't they? i guess it's just that they are still finding the best way to teach, and we are still adapting to his/her teaching style. so just give them some more time la.
haha, i had better do what i preach!
anw, theme for nj tdc was retrospect. quite entertaining and interesting la. zac performed awesomely (yet again), and the 'live' interview of the winners of the best retrofied teachers were hilarious! and the skit was like super duper cool! serious! kudos to council(: so after concert guitar people met for our little surprise performance. turn out was like bad la, with only about 10 people :( haha, anw, we decided to change song last min to accidentally in love. so tried out a little then left for atrium, where ALL the teachers were. oh man, they were having buffet lunch there, and it was filled with teachers, students and random people. haha, and when we first saw them, we were freaked out! but anw, we still performed and wished guit teachers and since it was in public, the other teachers as well a happy teachers' day. i hope they were that little touched(:
after all that, went back crescent with charlene(: haha, had a nice chat with her on the bus. and glad she met her friends back in crescent! went to find sarah, shuzhen, evelyn they all and found that they were together with ms ng. haha, seeing her again just felt weird. i guess we didn't really bonded back in sec3 and 4, which is sad:( and we didn't get any teachers' day present, and i realised i did not even wish her! argh, what a horrible student i am!!!:(:(:( had better change this nonchalent attitude of mine.
stayed for a while, then evelyn went back henry park. haha, been years since i last went back, BUT only bcos all my teachers have retired. haha. then went out with shuzhen, sarah and nandhu. ate fish&co. almost got cheated of this big freeze drink, but luckily I was sharp enough to redeem it! haha! den went plaza sing to shop, with my guitar. haha, dun laugh! den left at ard 5. tired out.
currently there is this bad problem in my class. apparently, there is this big gap between some of the guys and the girls. seems like we are interacting lesser and lesser. and actually, the guys actually tried to do something to mend this relationship, such as initiating to sit together with us during lecture. however, it seems like we are not responding well and recognising their efforts. haha, and jamie feels we need to do something about it. hmm, i guess she's right. afterall we are a class, one class. and not one class of girls and one class of boys. but the thing is we have nothing in common to talk about :( or rather, maybe it's just me? :( ahhh. nvm, i shall try to interact more with them. dun wanna be labelled as antisocial that's for sure. haha. hope the situation will improve!
oh and i think i am gg to get the click five album! all the songs are pretty cool! haha!
oh man, promos are in 2 weeks time! the thought of it jus freaks me out!! :( mus really force myself to sit down and study, otherwise...
we are bound to experience setbacks
we are bound to meet with failures
and we will no doubt feel sad, discouraged, demoralised.
however, we are definitely not gonna just stagnate there
if we ourselves don't help ourselves, no one else will.
so what if we screwed up?
so what if we end up making mistakes that were uncalled for?
and so what if all we got was laughter from others?
does that seal our fate?
yea, we accept that we are under par, but we DON'T just stop and do nothing.
we have to just put in that little more effort and work even harder to acheive what we set out to acheive.
i know it's difficult, and we know it takes more than just effort.
but we can surely be able to summon up the determination, perservarance and willpower aren't we?
come on, let's work together and make everything a success.
i have faith in us, and we should all have faith in ourselves.
nothing is too difficult to achieve as long as we put our heart and soul to it.
when all you gotta keep is strong, move along, move along like i know you do
strive on we will, strive on we must!
dun be sad, cos it just ain't worth it (:
and this applies to everyone out there.
8th August 2007
a special, memorable, sad day i'll never forget.
To all Njguit seniors out there:
Thank you for what you've have done to mould the ensemble into the awesome state it is in right now! we're gonna miss you! hope you'd enjoyed your time spent in guitar cos we certainly enjoyed time spent with you (= we luv u, seniors!!!
believe it or not, this is the best farewell i've attended so far. i really hoped our seniors enjoyed the farewell, cos i certainly did. all the hard work put into preparing for it was worth it no matter what. now i'm real sad that they are leaving, never to see them again in guitar :'( the thought that they were leaving for good only struck me at the end of the farewell, that i almost cried :'( how i wish time would come to a standstill! How i wish i could turn back time! oh man, i'll miss them like siao la! hope they do come back and visit us sometime, anytime. but even if they don't, they are just to hard to forget!
I love NJGUIT and I love u SENIORS!
oh btw, i realised tt i'm not giving my best to guitar :( seems like i'm putting very little effort. but after seniors' farewell, i hv decided tt i must do more more MORE!!! haha, so i'm going to put my heart and soul into guitar from now!!! i hope i put my words into action manz...
oh man, it's yet one of those down moments whereby i feel as though i can't take it anymore :( it started building up this week, where the thought of giving up just filled my head. going home at 8+ everyday is no joke. i guess i am exhuasted from it all. seniors' farewell next wed = lots of things to settle. my gifts are unbought yet, video undone yet, performance unpractised yet. and yet, i feel as though i'm not doing much about it. hopefully the juniors can complete much of the video by mon =/ otherwise... i don't want to think how... guitar is pretty much stressful now i guess, coupled with school work. it seems as though i have minimal time to study at all. if practices are thrice a week until 7+ everyday i think i'll break down sooner of later :'( my studies will just die cause i have never and most probably will not stay past 12 to study. just to tiring anf unhealthy. in a dilemna now. guitar or studies? to be able to strike a balance between both would be ideal, but seems like my studies are taking a step down. which is bad. i want, no it's need, to be promoted!!! worst of it all, guitar is not the only factor of consideration. there's still interact and yfc to be taken into consideration. i guess that's where i failed, horribly. i just hope nothing will go terribly wrong with these.
haha, i took so long to finally decide that i shall update my blog, since i'm like stoning online, besides blog hopping... haha, so here i am (=
anyway, i will not recap all that has happened in the past months as there is really alot to recap about, plus i have short-term memory. when i say short-term, i really mean SHORT. haha, seems like i only bother to remember important school stuff plus other random stuff. others just seem to slipped out of my mind subconciously.
got back CT results. better/met my expectations, so i'm a happy gurl (= haha, 'cos didn't really have time to mug during the Junes holidays, so am pretty glad that i didn't do badly for any subject. except for maybe GP, which i got a D. my worst subject, but i am actually satisfied that i even passed la, so it's ok (=
as for guitar, i got into the exco ((= proud guitar 3 sectional leader to be (((= oh man ((= haha, passed down from yuen yi and wei jun (: thought i would get guitar 2 initially, but nvm, i'm still a happy gurl (= [haha, again i know, but who cares (=] so had a few exco meetings already, to discuss about various stuff. yup. oh and there were a few disappointments for all =( first was that the yfc concert was cancelled =( bleagh, all hard work went down the drain. sad la. then just when we were halfway through preparations for iperform, the whole thing was called off again! are we unlucky or are we unlucky?! haha, nvm, shan't be to sad (= so we are now practising for open day. hope it would be a success! yea man! and preparations for senior farewell are underway (=
yfc updates. had 3 booth cum street sales to date. earned about $6000 i think, not too sure. and good news is that we got the ycm grant! additional $3000 to cover cost. which means our cost are TOTALLY covered with a surplus of about $600 from the sedd funding (= haha, BUUTTT we are still left with about $ooo+ candles which have to be sold within a month. this is crazy man. =( and we are currently booth-less now. have to look for other alternatives to sell off the candles. maybe in school? haha if so, must buy hor! =P
weijun's b'day! haha, happy b'day! sorry for not doing much =/ but i sincerely wish u all the best (= hope that you were that little touched at the surprise during prac (=
Crescent Speech Day! it's this sat! can't wait to go back and meet all the folks again! feel kind of ingrateful, 'cos i only went back twice since i left =/ oh man... so much for cherishing my alma mateur as quoted in the school song. haha, anw am looking forward to saturday! it's nolstagia yet again...
btw, i am currently listening to this sentimental touching song introduced by classmate kevin. and it's real nice. old songs are the best.
it's Love, Me by Collin Raye
haha common tests are finally over (= or rather almost la. left chinese next tues. hmm so needless to say, cts were hard, very hard. haha. just hope can pass lor =/ sianz... haha... but still very happy that it is finailly over! btw, i am relieving my past time by playing maple story (but got bored after i lvled, lol!) and audition (quite cool!) again! lol, dun say i'm childish =P
so when cts officially ends, it's enrichment week! been looking forward to that pretty long manz. haha, BUTTTT i actually lost my card! or rather, i thought i lost it. only to find out that i was scaring myself as we handed up to ct alr (= haha, can't believe that i'm THAT absent-minded X)
yfc updates: WAHHHH, next week is gonna to be VERY VERY HECTIC. haha. have to package 2500 candles budgeted by next saturday. and we are only left with 3 days cos the cups are only arriving earliest on wed!! haha, must choing thru everything. cos we are setting up booth sales at suntec city and united square simultaneously on 7th and 8th July. haiz, quite confused now. haha
oh and our mentor treated us again (((((:
haha amy's a happy gurl (((: she guessed rightly again (((=
besides that, mentor is cool and all!! very helpful, so thank god (((=
haha. it's been more than a week since my last update. let's see, i stopped at the day before guit camp yea? haha so i shall recap from there i guess. lots of momorable stuff that i definitely do not wanna forget (=
5th - 6th June
as mentioned earlier, GUITAR CAMP! had loads of fun! the training, the games, the food were fabulous. haha. chatted and played the guit alot. and slept at like 3+ which is my record la. haha. overall had a absolutely enjoyable time (=
NJC GUITAR ENSEMBLE <3
12th-13th June
LAP camp. interact care corner scheme at admiralty. haha had loads of fun too! first day was basically games at NJ. played quite a lot with the kids [group2]! so fun! haha. den 2nd day was zoo trip! oh man! was so tired out! haha. they whole day ask me for hp and cam one. den of cos i paranoid la. haha. but all is fine and well at the end (= it was an enojoyable and refreshing experience all and all. it's really amazing just how by planning this camp we can give them so much happiness. after reading through some of the reflections they wrote, how much they enjoyed themselves and thanked us for it, i was really touched. it really makes everything worth it. all the time [not tt i sacrificed much though =/], the effort all worth it. at the end of it all, we may be tired and exhausted and perhaps guilty [for not studying =/], but still... we made the kids happy (= the two days of enjoyment may be short, but who noes, some of them may remember it for life. so i'm glad i the camp was a success!
so yup, these are some of the highlights of the two weeks (= studying is not everything peeps! haha although i am getting a little paranoid now that CT is a week or so away =/ *screams*
YFC is quite ok now, settled much stuff and met mentor! haha!
oh had guit this week and next week! but din go this week due to commitments elsewhere. lol sounds to bad =/ BUTTT i will go next week (= preparing for a performance for another YFC group. lol sounds ironic. haha.
hope my studying goes well now!
Just came back from CIP at children's aid society today as part our my class CIP. yea, so conducted our 'dance workshop' and we taught them NJ's High School Musical mass dance! lol... and i forgotten part or rather most of it. to think i ask ppl to go learn the dance [am CIP rep btw] when i myself did not do so! haha... bad example... nvm i shall learn it up the next time (= anw, the kids there are super hyper?! kinda difficult to teach them properly. haha. but there are a nice/ cute bunch of kids to be with (= I LOVE CHILDREN!!! taught them almost till the end of the dance, but of cos, don't think they will remember much of it the next week. haha. but nvm.
wah, am like exhausted now =/
tml's guit camp! haha... looking forward to all the fun and excitement!! day time in school and afternoon at aloha chalet! YAY <3
get over you i can't. BLEAGH =/
yup. life's as busy as it is. haha. sian...
anw if u're free, pls help me do this survey thx (=
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=QMge8nBJAl1LWOPPni0lvQ%3d%3d
yea too many things on my mind currently
feel kinda lost and helpless all of a sudden )=
the hols are nothing to rejoice over, with CT and stuff to worry abt
sianzz
moodswinging damn badly now
haiz...
ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
but it will pass, i'm sure it will (=
stay strong i will
stay strong i must
when nth goes yr way,
u feel like giving up
tt's exactly how i feel now.
damn it.
haha my birthday today (=
many thanks to all who wished me!
debby, evelyn, jamie, kellie and many more!
haha am a happy gurl today (=
today had guitar recital too!
haha, quite messy la but was a success nevertheless
njc junior ensemle <3>
luving guitar more and more now
more so because i getting to know more juniors!! whee!!
jc life is really, really hectic manz! haven't really had a good rest yet and reaching home at 8+ everyday is really no joke =/ thank god that next week is slack due to SISC. hehe. but then... still have to come back to sch for extra lessons and projects. talking abt projects, we are given so many that i have lost count! omg! va sucks la. hols are here soon, but not that i expect much rest out of it though...
can't believe i still can't get over him! ahhh!
yup proud to say that WE DID IT
NJ GUITAR ENSEMBLE - GOLD WITH HONOURS !!! (19/04/07)
haha, we rocked (=
everybody made this possible, every single one of us (=
glad that i took the initiative and that bit of courage to join syf
and i certainly did not regret it!
at least all the late nights staying back to practice, all the numb and peeling fingertips, all the motivational speeches by pres and SLs, just all the sacrifice was worth it!!
now that syf is over, i kinda miss it now )= feels as though my life is very empty now, no more staying back late, no more chatting to guitar mates. the feeling is really bad )= no wonder i end up feeling out of place and emo most of the time. haha.
anw did the video thingy today (= think mine was the worse of all though )= haha, just hope this will surprise/ touch the pres, conductor and SLs. and on a lighter note, there's guitar tml!! yay!!
so last sat was the yfc interview. i guess we were overly prepared, as we expected to be led into a room and do a formal presentation. thus, we did up cue cards and practised rehearsing for many times, haha. thank god we didn't do ppt slides, otherwise it would be even more awkward. so it was a mass interview held at the the hall whereby many groups were being interviewed at the same time. i guess we did ok (= initially the judges weren't really interested for they gave us the impression that they were so bored =/ lol, however, after a while, they became more interested in our project, and i guess they were amazed at how close we were working with yellow ribbon, as well as how deep we have analyzed the project. so all in all, i heard them saying 'good', haha. so am waiting for good news!!
it sucks that u don't even bother...
wow, haven't been here for around two weeks. had been pretty much busy these past few days. syf is just next week, exactly one week more man. anyway today's practice was very much fruitful and productive. we played our best and managed to sway with the music (= what the president said today also stirred up my emotions. she said that it is not all about getting the silver , gold or gold w/ honours. it is about doing the composer justice by giving our best. this made me think about how necessary it is to have such a competition. hmm... she also gave us a lot of encouragement and motivation, and i was sort of touched la. hopefully everyone in guitar ensemble feel the same way as i do and give off their very best in this last stretch. we can do it, as long as we believe in ourselves. and we will do it as a whole ensemble.
submitted the yfc proposal just last week. put in a lot of time and effort into that as well. prays hard that we get selected, otherwise all our effort will go down the drain! no idea when the results will be out though, but am hoping for the best!
and so 1 week of sch has come and past. the week was pretty much slack, as the whole week was filled with only lectures. and we have like a lot of free periods now and then cos we don't offer that particular subject. this made me very sian, and my class would then proceed to the grandstand, which has no doubt become our favorite hangout. haha. then we would either mug, play ball or just stone. yea, this went on for the whole week la. so i was like damn sian of school. lol, anyway next week lessons start proper which means must chiong tutorial already =/ SIAN MANZ
guitar syf coming up on the 19th april. kind of nervous. went singapore conference hall for the rehearsal today. reached there at like 6 and ended practising out in the open cause the tuning room was not available. imagine one bunch of people sitting down and playing the guitar. haha! anyway, we played pretty well i guess. after which, at 8.30, we proceeded to the actual venue for the actual rehearsal. but we played like below standard =( seems like the change of venue made us more nervous i think. and i played quite badly too, sad la...
next week will be even busier i guess. guitar practice 4 times a week. and tutorials to catch up on. and doing maths tutorials makes me want to puke blood manz...
the song bridge over troubled water is currently stuck in my head right now. lol.
term 2 officially starts today, and although this week is still rather slack, mostly lectures all the way, but i am already preparing myself mentally for the added workload that is to come soon. i sound really paranoid and kiasu, but can't be helped. and today i gave myself a big fright, 'cause the first thing i reached school i learned that quite a few people had started on their chem revision alr! and i was like 'OMG', 'cause i haven't started on any yet. then that was not the worse. as i checked the timetable for the week, i realised that chem 2nd lecture is like tml, and i panicked of course. considering that i reach home at home today, there would be like no time to study. so in the end, i borrowed notes from yihui and started mugging. haha, quite funny of course, but i am like that la. anw, only during chem lecture then the lecturer announced that chem test is postponed to thursday. tsktsk la. make me worried for nothing. haha, but also good la. sian, kind of regret not studying during the hols =/ amy, it's time to snap back to reality!
had guitar today and today's practice was a little different. our mentor [mr toh] brought in a professor or something to assess our syf pieces. however, it became more of a lecture on the history of guitar or something. like he started of talking about how we performed, then veered into his own world. haha, sounds funny eh? but anyway he shared with us some guitar techniques and tips as well, so all in all it was a good exposure (= and he mentioned something and scared most of us. about us getting trigger fingers [where the nerves in our finger are spoilt or something] if we wash our hands after practice or something. then everyone was like 0_0 !!! haha, even the teacher who plays guitar as well got a shock! haha.
sch tml again, and the one thing to look forward to is the early dismmisal (=
SCREWED SCREWED SCREWED SCREWED SCREWED
SCREWED SCREWED SCREWED SCREWED SCREWED
great. i screwed up the exam. horribly. but i've only myslef to blame.
and it's the stars that lie to you...
the past few days had been rather tiring manz. tuesday went for that workshop, then went back and forth from cathay and plaza singapura like dunno how many times to find stuff. wed went for guitar practice, then went orchard to shop for syf costumes, didn't manage to find any suitable though. yest[thurs] went for guitar bbq at east coast, and reached home at like 11.30. record for me manz... haha. so am super tired now.
today went from guitar again[ yes and know]. haha. can't be helped, we need the practice badly. went straight home after that and stoned for quite a while. just didn't feel liek doing anything. haha. then practiced guitar for about 1 1/2 hours to prepare for the exam, which is like tomorrow! and i still feel so unprepared! i only practised twice this week, once on tues and once today. so u can roughly estimate my proficiency level. haha. going to practise tml too though, but highly doubt it will be of any effect. so all in all, i need all the luck i can get tml manz. as in seriously, please let the examiners choose the easy pieces for me to play!! *prays damn hard* sigh... will leave all to fate. just hope won't fail the exam =/
all i need tomorrow is luck. badly.
heard something from my junior(evelyn) today. she said that if you walk during mass run (in crescent) you will get a demerit + 20 push-ups! omg la! i never fail to walk during mass run when i was still in crescent. if this 'rule' was implemented a year earlier, i foresee that i will end up doing detention. haha.
went school for guitar practice today. practice until left fingertips are hurting and my right fingernail got chipped! haha, all in all had an enjoyable time during practice, excluding finger pain though. looking forward to next practice!
was almost late today, or rather i think i was 5 minutes late. lol. was like looking at my watch every minute or so in the bus, fearing that i would be late. in fact, i clearly thought i would be late, as i kept on noticing how jammed it was in front and how many red lights there were. thus, my whole journey was spent worrying. however, what's unusual is that i took about the same time to reach school as compared to other days, about 40 min. yet on other normal days, the thought of being late never struck me. partly because i usually end up asleep in the bus on school days where school starts at 7.40. this reminds me of what my chinese teacher once said. he said that when you are in a rush for time, the bus would seem to move very slowly, even though it may be travelling at normal speed. yet on the other hand, if you are not rushing for time, the bus would be moving at its usual speed. this sort of struck me. 'cos i never once thought of it that way. so in the bus, i was thinking to myself why was i worrying so much, when at the end i would still reach on time? why was i feeling all anxious and uneasy? hmm, i tried to take my mind off how fast the bus was travelling and just enjoy the scenery or watch tv mobile or sleep, but i failed. why is it that we can't stop ourselves from feeling rushed? i guess it's because we all have datelines to meet.
relating back to reality, it's all the same. everyday, we rush through life, for fear of lack of time. in fact, time is never enough. but why can't we just put the time factor out of our minds and just enjoy what we are doing? why must we always be binded by the time constraints put to us? if there wasn't the time factor, would the outcomes be the same as before, or would it be different? if it is the same, why must we rush through it and miss out the enjoyment of it all?
will these questions ever be answered?
today's another boring day for me. haiz... realised that there aren't any nice tv programmes to watch nowadays, or is it because tv no longer interest me? hmm, not that i care anyway. spent majority of the time today doing tutorials and more tutorials, however, i did not even complete any! that's how PRODUCTIVE i am man. haha. have to buck up, otherwise the homework pile will never disappear. lots of catching up to do this hols i guess.
i realise i have nothing much to blog about :( haha, SIAN la!
no matter how hard i try, it's to no avail...
oh ya, forgot to mention. my class is not going to stay as a class :( damn sad man... so much for being happy about everyone being able to stay in nj :( sian man... worst of it all, it was like totally unexpected. so the first thing on fri when we checked the classes, i was like shocked to hear that some people were posted out! omg la! haiz... gonna miss them, especially stella!
why must things turn all this way?
just changed to the new google account. the features are quite cool i must say, haha. anyway, just had this sudden motivation to do all this stuff, as in change my blog and stuff. decided to abandon my previous blog because i have no reason why either. lol. hopefully i will have the time to update and maintain this blog and not let it rot away again. haha. it always happen to my previous blog and i always end up forgetting the most basic things - my username! omg la! that's how OFTEN i update my blog man. haha.
feeling pretty sian nowadays... no idea why :( it's like there's something lacking in my life, and i just can't find what's missing... if this goes on, i am pretty sure i am gonna need a psychiatrist soon man! omg! i think i'm being much too paranoid once again... haha. but i hope that this sianess will go away soon, if not i think i will die man.
jc life so far has been pretty much slack. but after the holidays, the pace is going to be much more hectic i guess, as forewarned by many of our teachers. maybe the busy life hectic will leave me with no more time to think and think about my empty life, and yea, just numb myself. will it? i guess i will get the answer in a week's time.
as mentioned, school hols are here again. lol. mon, wed, fri have guitar practice from 9 to 1. something to look forward to no doubt. but then, haiz, made a wrong mistake which probably irritated/upset some people. sorry! haha, should seriously never try that again. once bitten, twice shy! and guit bbq on thurs, no idea if i should go. see first bah.
blogging is fun, yet boring. paradoxical eh? haha
sometimes it's a facade that i put on...