don't bother reading

just an emo post not worth your time.

i feel kinda lost right now. a bit emotional, a bit down, a bit stressed, a bit of i don't know what else
i've been moodswinging pretty much over this weekend my mind is like a total blank; devoid of happy thoughts, nothing to look forward to, just empty
it's like suddenly, i'll have this sudden urge to cry, and i have no idea why either
i feel as though i need to escape from this world, badly
it's as though there's nothing in this world worth living for
it's not to the extent that i will commit suicide or what, but still...
i don't wish to carry on this game of life anymore :(
oh man, can't believe i'm typing out such an emo post right now

anyway, if there's anything responsible for my dejection, it would be largely due to pw
yea, project work.
i am stoning in front of the com again not knowing where should i start
not the first time it has happened, but with each time, it gets even worsti
t makes me feel sucky inside, like i feel right now
i am sort of sick of doing pw already
if this carries on, i think i will breakdown.yea breakdown.
not that my group is not hardworking or what
just that we [i think] have no idea how to progress on from here
at least, i, for one, am lost.just feel like giving up on the project altogether
pw has drained any remnants of joy inside me and that little bit of strength and motivation that's left of me
and now, there's nothing else for me to hold on to; to spur me on

and so i asked myself
am i really that weak? [afterall, it's only pw, for godsake]
i thought i was strong, strong enough maintain optimism in face of setbacks
but i guess, i am wrong.

argh forget it ,amy.
move on.

up till now, i have no idea why am i typing all this crap.
i guess it's because i really need pour it all out
and perhaps after that, i will be ok.
yea, hopefully.


sometimes, i wonder how a penknife across the wrist would feel like
what is it like to glide it across the skin
what is it like for the blood to trickle down the open wound

and i remembered, once when i tried to use a little art knife to slice my skin
just lightly, a few times, for a puny bit of blood to ooze out
and i thought to myself,
why in the fucking world am i doing that
am i going crazy or what?

and now, as i think of it
i have the sudden urge to relieve it again
and perhaps, it will help.

fuck it. i hate myself.